Permanent Nursing Strike

I am sad. Sad that my baby needs me for one less thing. He has over the past two months grown less and less interested in nursing. He wants to do everything but nurse.….Play with toys, crawl all over me, see what Hayden’s doing, look at Linus who’s barking. It was becoming more and more frustrating for me. All the latching and unlatching, biting occasionally although he has no teeth but I am convinced he is teething and has been for well over 6 weeks. I continued to pump and pump to the point of cringing as it was becoming so painful. I was literally pumping 4+ hours a day on the days I worked and an hour on my days off. My body was mutilated and the milk was bloody. (Sorry probably TMI) Anyway last week I decided that it was time to stop. Landon was done and probably has been done for some time but I was able to accept that he is done. I said it... he's done. I just wasn’t ready to stop. I hated pumping, despised the time it took away from everything and everyone else. I hated the sound the pump made, hated how it took so long (45-60) just to get out 4-6 ounces. I hated how I had to wash the pump parts and plan my day around pumping. But I loved nursing (most of the time) I didn’t like how when he wasn’t sleeping through the night for the first 5 ½ months I was the one who had to get up and nurse, I didn’t like how he used me as a human pacifier waking up 9+ times a night and I was the only one to nurse him back to sleep, I didn’t like how he clustered fed for hours, yes hours at a time. How can someone miss something like this? Call me crazy but all of this was worth it. I loved the feeling I had when nursing. Knowing I was responsible for him growing and thriving. That I was providing his food and that he needed me for this. I felt good knowing I was providing the best milk possible, his mommy’s milk. I enjoyed the closeness, the bonding, rubbing on his fuzzy cue ball shaped head while he nursed, the quiet time just him and I. I am so grateful to be able to nurse him for eight months and Hayden for ten months. I wasn’t even certain I would be able to nurse at all. I do wish I could have made it to a year for both of them or at least ten months with Landon but it was becoming a time of frustration for both him and me so it was time to call it quits. I know not every mom can or does nurse and this post isn’t about casting judgement or saying that someone is less of a mom or didn’t love their baby the same as I love mine. This was just what was best for me and my baby and it’s important moms do what best for them and their baby. Cuz if momma ain’t happy no body’s happy. That’s why I stopped. I still had some milk, not enough though. He was falling off his growth chart from at one month old being in the 75th percentile to now being less than 25%. I could have continued to nurse and supplement but the frustration was doing neither of us good. Can you tell I am trying to rationalize this so I don’t feel so guilty. Why as mothers do we do this to our selves. I should be proud and happy that I was able to do this for the length of time that I did and not feel guilty but I really was not ready for this stage to be over with and sadly it is. I read everything I could find on nursing strikes and it didn't seem to matter he was done. It’s hard to believe he is less than 4 months away from being a year. I so love this time right now; where he is still baby but eagerly learning about this world around him. I love you Landon and I thank God for bringing you into our lives. You may not need or want mommy’s milk but you still are a mommy’s boy right now and that I am going to hold onto. Even though you may not nurse I am still going to rub on that fuzzy little cue ball head of yours and kiss your little cheeks. I am still going to sing old mcdonald and twinkle twinkle every night at bedtime although you have started to resist being cradled like a little baby. I am still going to check on you every night before I go to bed to make sure your rooms the perfect temperature and to take your blankie out of your crib for fear of danger. I am still going to love you more and more each day.

A Day at the Museum

While Grammy was on vacation and Aunt Jilly was still on summer break we visited the Science Center. Last year Hayden and I went with Dede, Dianna and Kayla. This time around the Elmo exhibit was on display and pretty neat. It was very interactive and taught basics such as hygiene, be it washing hands and brushing teeth. There were displays teaching about the body and what the body does such as the heart, lungs, digestive system, musculoskeletal system and so forth. There was even a display that showed how you eat your food and into the stomach it goes before making its way to the intestines and then out of your body in the form of poop. Yes it was actually a turd that started moving when you pulled the lever and I'll spare you the picture. A bit much but very accurate I guess. There was a little market the kids could shop at and a diner where you could make a hamburger minus the burger. The rest of the museum was disappointing. Although it was neat to see how lava lamps work and Hayden was able to do a science experiment with oil, water and food coloring. There was quite a bit that was not age appropriate for Hayden and the other kid zone that was kid friendly was missing pieces and what they did have wasn't all working. I was overall disappointed with the museum except for the Elmo exhibit which is in town for a few months. I would like to definitely check out the Cincinnati and Indianapolis museums. Maybe when mom retires next year she can go with us to Indianapolis and one weekend we are hoping to visit Keith and Emily and check out Cincinnati’s.

Wordless Wednesday- Hayden's Modes of Transportation

Levi Turns One

We were invited to attend Levi's first birthday party at Kazoing a couple weekends ago. We were really looking forward to going as Hayden loves inflatables, birthday parties, and of course cake. The day before the party Landon started running a 102.9 temperature and thus prompted a visit to the pediatrician for yet another diagnosis of viral syndrome. This time we were told if he developed rash on his hands and feet then he obviously had Hand, foot, mouth. No rash developed and in less than 24 hours he was fever free. Go figures just enough time for him to miss out on the birthday festivities although he didn't know. I am the first to rush the kids to the doctor with any high fever and I didn't used to be this way. It all goes back to when Hayden was approaching a year and was sick with fever for 5 days (low grade), wasn't sleeping well and had typical cold symptoms. Jeff kept urging me to take him to the pediatrician and I kept telling him "oh, they're just going to tell us it's viral and then he we took him to the doctor and exposed him to all kinds of other germs and why waste $20 when it's just symptomatic treatment" Finally I grew tired of Jeff's insistence and thought okay fine I'll take him to the doctor more to just prove a point.... it's viral. (granted I don't examine my own kids or try to diagnose for that matter) Took him in and he had an ear infection. Okay fine Jeff's point well taken. Fast forward a year and Hayden starts with sudden onset 103.5 temperature. Jeff comes home on a Friday tells me Hayden felt warm after he woke from his nap at Dede's house and then he put him in the car and they came home. I felt Hayden said he didn't feel that warm and it was likely from being in the hot car on the car ride home. So off to St. Michael's church picnic where we proceed to be out in 90 degree weather and we stay until after 10pm. We get back to the car and I am changing Hayden into his jammies and man does his belly feel like it's on fire. Tell Jeff that we need to check his temp when we get home and that's when I discover I had a sick kid out in the hot humid weather, bouncy in inflatables, exposing his germs to everyone and trying to win a cake. It was the weekend so thought if he is still running temp come Monday then to the doctors we would go. I felt terrible that I didn't even recognize a 103.5 fever and I do this for a living. Just goes to show that it's best to treat other people than your own family. I tended to brush off things with Hayden but now given those situations if either spikes a temperature than off to the doctor we go. (In case your wondering I think Hayden had roseola that summer as a rash came after his fever broke). Well anyway back to the story at hand, my coworker and friend Lisa invited us to help celebrate her son, Levi's, first birthday. Jeff stayed home with Landon and Hayden and I went to the party. It was a lot of fun for the kids and adults as well. Everyone it seems jumped in the bounce houses or slide down the inflatable slide. Anna, another coworker and friend took some pictures so I do want to say thanks Anna for sharing these with me to post. Levi did great with all the kids and seemed to enjoy his cake too. It's hard to believe he is already a year old. Happy Birthday Levi hope your next year is filled with lots of fun and new accomplishments!

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Every night I rock Landon and sing a few lines of Old McDonald and Twinkle Twinkle little star followed by our prayers. I love this sweet precious time with Landon and try to sear these images into my brain for I know they won't last long. I want to be able to pull these memories out and relive them when he isn't a cuddly little baby. This is my favorite time of the day and I find myself selfishly wanting to put Landon to bed every night. Last night I got home and knew I probably missed it and sure enough I was five minutes late. Hayden has a bedtime routine as well and it has remained the same since he was a baby. He gets a story then prayers although over the last 6 months he has tried to incorporate a nightly cartoon or movie and a drink.... anything to delay the inevitable...sleep. Apparently my routine with Landon has made an impression on Hayden and the other night Hayden was crying out for me. Lately we have started having a hard time getting him to go to sleep. I went into his room and he wiped away a tear and said "mommy I need you to take care of me" what I asked, I do take care of you. I read you a story we said prayers and I even layed down with you for a few minutes. That was my reply. He looked at me and said, "you didn't sing to me like Landon." My heart melted. OK bud what do you want me to sing to you. Of course his request was for the same two songs I sing Landon and then when I had finished that he put his finger to his lip and tilted his head and said "lets think what else you can sing to me." I kindly told him it was late and past his bedtime, we were done with songs, gave him a kiss and told him good night.

On several occasions Hayden has wanted to rock Landon and sing him the songs. He will sing the entire song but when I get the video camera out he silences and wont sing.

Last Playdate

Little did I know that back in June when the boys and I went to Mrs. Erins house to play with Aidan and Connor it would be our last weekday playdate. The summer months have been so busy and between Erin's schedule and my being off two days a week we have not had any time since mid June to get the kids together. Today Erin started a job! I am happy for her since this is what needed to happen for their family but I am also a little sad. The kids really liked playing together and who's kidding here I really liked spending time with her. We all got along great and had similar interests and it made the days fun to have another family with two boys to play along with. Between the two of us we had 4 boys under 4. Whether it was to the zoo, art sparks, all about kids, incredible daves, henrys ark, gallrein farms, mcdonalds, kazoing or just hanging out in the backyard it was fun. Little did I know when we got together for a play date in their backyard it would be our last. Sad and disappointed are the emotions I feel but happy and thankful at the same time as this is what's best for their family. Erin's husband Darin will be staying at home during the days so I have joked that he will be my new Erin. I am hoping we will still be able to get the kids together but I know that with her starting a new career in sales that she will be consumed with juggling a full time professional career and that of raising two boys and maintaining a healthy happy marriage that there will be little time left over. Now we will just have to make the most of the time we do get together and try for at least once every few months.

An Afternoon with Peepaw

Hayden and Landon both love spending time with Peepaw. Landon likes the silly noises he makes and Hayden likes to use toothpicks and eat pretzel sticks just like peepaw.

Connor and Carson's Visit

Yet another entry from two months ago. Connor and Carson came in from Arizona and I don't think you could find anyone more excited than Hayden. He had been waiting patiently for weeks and then his beloved cousins arrive and we have a play date for the zoo planned and out of no where a fever comes. 102 fever. So disappointed was an understatement, tears streaming down his face. "I not feel sick mommy. I not sick" he repeatedly told me. Off to the doctor we went, viral is the diagnosis of course, being a PA I easily diagnose this in others children but the worst plows through my mind when one of my own is sick. Three days later when he is still running 102 fever I am doubting a viral illness. Presumed pneumonia and a dose of zithromax and viola fever is gone and he's back to himself. We finally get to make it to the zoo and really Hayden couldn't have cared less what we were doing as long as Connor and Carson were there then he was in heaven. First to splash park, then to see the animals concluding with lunch at McDonald's and playtime at play land. Turns out a feverish illness with a day long of activity was a recipe for an overtired child that bit a little girl on the leg that led to a timeout and a trip home that my ears still haven't recovered from. Hopefully next time we will be able to spend more time with his cousins and illnesses will stay away.

Imagination at Work

Kids have the best imagination. Our bathtub turned into a swimming pool the other night and apparently the forecast was sunny as he had his shades on.

Hayden's imagination and role playing has really just started to expand in the last few weeks. One minute he's Diego, the next he's a mailman or driving through the McDonald's drive thru in need of a diet coke. There never is a dull moment that's for sure.

Looking Back on De De's Birthday

I wasn't kidding when I said we have been super busy. I haven't blogged about events that took place in June and here it is the second week of August. I took a vacation day today to have the time to get caught up and I intend to lay right here in my bed with my computer on my lap and blog until every last picture has been taken from my memory card and put into my blog. I don't even feel like I am halfway there and I have been working for more than 2 hours now. I think I must recommit to blogging thirty minutes a week from here on out. Also I hate how the blog entry's are suboptimal when this much time goes by.

Well once upon a time in a far away land, okay two months ago in Carrolton, we all meet in the park to celebrate De De's birthday. I had started on the post and forgot to finish so here goes:

With so many June birthdays it's hard to find the time to celebrate them all while managing to get everyone together. This year we all were able to get together for Deanna's birthday. We went to a park that was about halfway between us and Keith and Emily. I had never been to this park before and it was very nice with a lake with paddle boats, playground, putt putt and even a train that people could ride on. We stopped at a nearby KFC to take lunch for the picnic and although this was convenient I am hoping next year we will be able to actually pack a traditional picnic. It is just hard to get everyone in one place at one time let alone try to cook and prepare a meal with children, naps, feeding schedules, church, so on and so forth. I am optimistic that we can all manage to continue this new tradition as I think this is the best gift we can give Deanna or any mother for that matter. All she really wanted was for the family to be together and so that's what she got. Hayden, Addison and even Dede and Papaw enjoyed the playground. Grandpa Abrams was able to come which was great considering he doesn't come out a lot since Mimi died nearly three years ago. I think all the kids slept the entire way home after running around and spending all their energy. We made a little pit stop on the way home to see the home that Mimi grew up in which wasn't far from the park. I'd like to think that she was there watching the family play and celebrate her daughter's birthday. She unfortunately died before she was able to meet any of her great grandchildren but I know she would have been a great Mimi to them just as she was to her own grandchildren.